Broken Things Become Blessed Things
This year has been by far the most challenging year spiritually for me. As a lot of you already know,
I have suffered hearing lost for most of my life. I have whats called degenerative hearing disease and for the most part, over the years I got along pretty well. To the point that most people wouldn't even know I had hearing loss. I didnt have hearing aids and I got to where I read lips to help me understand people when they spoke. Over the last 6-8 months I began experiencing some pretty rough issues with my ears. Some of it was just something that I have dealt with for a few years but under the care of my ENT specialist we were able to keep it under control with prescription medication. But sometime over the summer, I noticed that the meds were no longer doing their job. But another huge problem stood in my way, as my ENT that I had been under the care of for the last 8 years stopped taking my insurance. So that along with the issues with my ears became a pretty rough/stressful road. I also, noticed during this time that my hearing aids that I had ( I got them back in 2014) were not working as they should and eventually just quit all together. Then, I noticed that my hearing just wasnt as good as it had been (not that it was 100% before but you get it...lol) And then as time went on it got to the point that I was pretty much not able to hear hardly, anything at all.
I cant even begin to tell you what its like to be without one of your senses. To have to continue on about your daily life even-though you cant hear whats going on around is sooo hard! I got the point that I couldnt even hear what was going on at church, not the music, the sermon...nothing! I couldnt even carry on conversations with my family because I couldnt hear them talking to me. Even if they were sitting right next to me. I ended up withdrawing myself from a lot of things, I didnt talk to anyone at home, I would leave as soon as church was over to avoid having to struggle to talk to someone. If I seen someone I knew out in town, I would do everything possible to avoid them. This eventually took its toll on me and I fell into a deep dark depressive state. I didnt want to get out of bed in the morning, I didnt want to go to church and I literally had to force myself to get up to go to work.....because bills, ya know. I was so exhausted all the time, no matter how much I slept, I cried all the time and I just felt so completely hopeless and broken inside. I felt so alone and the devil kept whispering in my ear that no one wanted to hear about my struggles, no one cared what I was going through and no one loved me. I even felt like my church family didnt care or love me. I kept the song by Lauren Daigle "You Say" On repeat in my car and just sang the words over and over to myself.
BUT GOD!, showed up and about 2 weeks ago, I was able to hear a little better. Its not where near what it needs to be but its a small victory and I'm gonna take it! Slowly Im coming out of this depression and Im starting to feel like myself again. JESUS loves me and he is there by my side each and every day, carrying me when the load gets to heavy for me to walk. I have a terrible problem of keeping things bottled up inside me and I let my pride get in the way and the devil to tell me that I dont need to pray about my problems every day, week. But Jesus wants us to come to him with all of our problems, no matter how big or how small. I didnt think I was loved or even that I was worth giving him all of my problems, struggles...but he says I am. I still have a long way to go on this fight to my healing but I know my healing is coming. It may not be tomorrow or the next day or even in a month but I am gonna keep clinging to the one who created me and thought I was worth dying for. I can see a small little dim at the end of the tunnel. I can feel a change in me...little by little God has been chiseling me out to make me into his masterpiece. In the end I know every little thing is gonna be alright..............<3
I have suffered hearing lost for most of my life. I have whats called degenerative hearing disease and for the most part, over the years I got along pretty well. To the point that most people wouldn't even know I had hearing loss. I didnt have hearing aids and I got to where I read lips to help me understand people when they spoke. Over the last 6-8 months I began experiencing some pretty rough issues with my ears. Some of it was just something that I have dealt with for a few years but under the care of my ENT specialist we were able to keep it under control with prescription medication. But sometime over the summer, I noticed that the meds were no longer doing their job. But another huge problem stood in my way, as my ENT that I had been under the care of for the last 8 years stopped taking my insurance. So that along with the issues with my ears became a pretty rough/stressful road. I also, noticed during this time that my hearing aids that I had ( I got them back in 2014) were not working as they should and eventually just quit all together. Then, I noticed that my hearing just wasnt as good as it had been (not that it was 100% before but you get it...lol) And then as time went on it got to the point that I was pretty much not able to hear hardly, anything at all.
I cant even begin to tell you what its like to be without one of your senses. To have to continue on about your daily life even-though you cant hear whats going on around is sooo hard! I got the point that I couldnt even hear what was going on at church, not the music, the sermon...nothing! I couldnt even carry on conversations with my family because I couldnt hear them talking to me. Even if they were sitting right next to me. I ended up withdrawing myself from a lot of things, I didnt talk to anyone at home, I would leave as soon as church was over to avoid having to struggle to talk to someone. If I seen someone I knew out in town, I would do everything possible to avoid them. This eventually took its toll on me and I fell into a deep dark depressive state. I didnt want to get out of bed in the morning, I didnt want to go to church and I literally had to force myself to get up to go to work.....because bills, ya know. I was so exhausted all the time, no matter how much I slept, I cried all the time and I just felt so completely hopeless and broken inside. I felt so alone and the devil kept whispering in my ear that no one wanted to hear about my struggles, no one cared what I was going through and no one loved me. I even felt like my church family didnt care or love me. I kept the song by Lauren Daigle "You Say" On repeat in my car and just sang the words over and over to myself.
BUT GOD!, showed up and about 2 weeks ago, I was able to hear a little better. Its not where near what it needs to be but its a small victory and I'm gonna take it! Slowly Im coming out of this depression and Im starting to feel like myself again. JESUS loves me and he is there by my side each and every day, carrying me when the load gets to heavy for me to walk. I have a terrible problem of keeping things bottled up inside me and I let my pride get in the way and the devil to tell me that I dont need to pray about my problems every day, week. But Jesus wants us to come to him with all of our problems, no matter how big or how small. I didnt think I was loved or even that I was worth giving him all of my problems, struggles...but he says I am. I still have a long way to go on this fight to my healing but I know my healing is coming. It may not be tomorrow or the next day or even in a month but I am gonna keep clinging to the one who created me and thought I was worth dying for. I can see a small little dim at the end of the tunnel. I can feel a change in me...little by little God has been chiseling me out to make me into his masterpiece. In the end I know every little thing is gonna be alright..............<3
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh)
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
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